I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
