TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
