he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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