girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
