FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
