just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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