At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
