Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
