I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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