i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize