Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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