wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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