420 ftw
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
