Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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