Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
