I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
