Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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