If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
