this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
