he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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