i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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