Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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