she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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