I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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