the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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