I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
