"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
