Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
