We named our party play list daddy issues
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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