I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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