I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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