i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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