Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
