Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
