Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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