Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
