People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
