why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
