Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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