didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
