Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
