I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
