I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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