I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize