My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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