i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
