i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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