i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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