five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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