I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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