Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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