Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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