Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
