is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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