My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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