How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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