I can text with my tongue
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
