Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
