I'm so fucking centered right now
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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