this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
