fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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