hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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