You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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