My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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